India visit-- My mother

(The picture here was taken when my mother visited us in Singapore --this is at the airport. Pavithra, my daughter is behind us)

It was lovely to meet my mother. She is about 81 years old, frail, yet with a zest for life very rare to find. Until very recently, she tutored the watchman's children ( security guard of the Apartments we live in--in India we call them "watchman"), helping them do well in the "English-medium" school they went to. Now the 3 children study in a residential school a little away from the city.

Some years ago when she was tutoring them, my sister who is an Professor of English in English and Foreign Languages University, Hyderabad wrote the following piece:

I overheard my mother showing the children the various rooms in our house and explaining to them what a kitchen, dining room, bedroom and drawing room were.Lucky she had our house to show them. For the children of our watchman live in a single room that serves as all these together.

The children are being sent to a modest ‘English-medium’school. My 76-year old mother, a retired teacher has taken it upon herself to help the children with their studies. She is constantly showing them objects which can only be found in a middle-class home like ours. Otherwise the English words they learn would remain only words to them without any meaning correlation, except where the words are illustrated in the books.

Without the kind of support that my mother offers, these two children would eventually drop out of school, not being able to afford tuition in addition to the school fees.

Literacy and education are important to make these children to make sense of the world around them. But along with that the anomaly of the different kinds of lifestyles stares them in the eye. What answer do we have if they turn around and ask us why their house doesn’t have so many rooms. Can it still be called a house? So do we need to add something like, ‘rich people’s houses have several rooms’, ‘the poor live in single-room houses with the toilet outside’. These children are lucky that their father is a watchman in a multi-storeyed complex which at least has this facility. To think of others who live in slums with common toilets or not even that!

I reproduce the text here, innocuous by itself. But the socio-economic complexities it throws up raked up my guilt.

Our Home

We live in a house.

It is our home.

Our house protects us from heat, cold and rain.

It also protects us from animals and thieves.

The house gives us shelter and comfort.

A house has several rooms.

The rooms have doors and windows.

We cook our food in the kitchen.

We eat our food in the dining room.

We sleep in the bedroom.

We receive guests in the drawing room.

We take bath in the bathroom.

We also store things in our house.

We keep clothes, food, books, toys, tables, chairs and cots in our house.

We should keep our house neat and clean.

This is just one example of things that perplex me about education in Indian schools. Is English language really so important to learn? Is it important to be educated in a curriculum that does not reflect the culture and society that an individual lives in?

But if these children don't go to a school, they fail to gain literacy skills. If they go to a school and don't get help from someone like my mother, they would not be able to make sense of what's going on and eventually probably drop-out.

It brings to mind Paul Willis' Learning to Labour (1977)

India visit-Part 1

(This the first part of a series of bogs I plan to write about my visit to India 29th-6th Feb 2011)

I had a week off for Chinese New Year between the 29th and 6th of February. This was the best time I thought, to visit my hometown, Hyderabad in India to spend a few days with my mother and sister who live there. My daughter Akanksha who is waiting for her 'A' level results also accompanied me.

Its a strange mixture of conflicting feelings that I experience whenever I go home to Hyderabad. I am happy to go home, but the strangeness of the city I grew up in makes me sad and happy and bewitched and angry and proud all at the same time.

We landed in the brand new Hyderabad airport at Shamshabad, at about 3.30pm. Lovely airport --didn't feel like India at all--rather, a great international airport. I was asked to come to the departure area and give a "missed call" to Hyder, our driver, who has been with my parents for the past 19 years. Giving this missed call would enable Hyder to drive into the departure area from where it was more convenient to pick us up. Hyder will never park at the parking lot because he doesn't like paying the parking fee. So he will arrive at the airport, wait at a distance from the airport and wait for our "missed call".

As we drove home to Begumpet from the airport, I thought of Thomas Hardy's book title--The Return of the Native. That title summed up what I felt. The long fly-over took us from the airport at Shamshabad to Mehdipatnam--where the college I taught Psychology for 5 years between 1990 and 1995 is located. As we passed that road, through Masab Tank and Banjara Hills to Panjaguta.....memories of years gone by flooded my mind. How many times have I driven on that route! How different that route was now! At least 2 fly-overs have sprung up, and hordes of shopping malls dot the road now making the once deserted route a hustle and bustle of activity.

We finally reached home that is located in the heart of the city, in the midst of shopping centers --Shopper's Stop, Nalli's Silk , Pantaloons and Lifestyle! My mind went back to year November 1981, when we first moved to Mayuri Apartments, Begumpet. The road would be empty with just a few vehicles passing once in 10-15mins. Now there is hardly any silence for 10-15 seconds.

It's good to see that Hyderabad has such an excellent, world class airport. It is sad to see the heavy traffic on the road with constant noise from honking vehicles---crazy, crazy traffic. It's great to see the shopping malls, indicative of economic prosperity and material progress and at the same time sad that the quietness and calmness of a city I knew is lost. It's good to see the vibrancy in the faces of people--they seem happy and excited and alive. The once sleepy Hyderabad has become crowded with people and vehicle traffic, noisy and polluted.

Ironically, in this very city, on its outskirts, began my inward journey into the depths of my mind, freeing it from many shackles and bondages, and putting me on the road to real peace and real happiness: The 10 day Vipassana course at Dhamma Khetta, Vanasathalipuram, on the Nagarjuna Sagar Road.

Being Present

"Wherever you are........be all there" Jim Elliot

Being present is the greatest gift you can give yourself and others. And yet in this world of multi-tasking and constant connectedness with people are we really present anywhere? Most of the time we are not and this is one of the main sources of unhappiness experienced.

There have been a few people with whom I thought I had a very close relationship. However, whenever I met these people in person, I could barely hold a conversation with them. This was because they were busy doing something else--such as working on their computer or messaging on their handphones. As I thought deeply into why I seemed to think I was close to them when they were actually so non-communicative in person, I realized that the "closeness" I experienced with them was when I spoke to them on the phone or chatted with them online.

When you speak to someone on the phone your entire attention is focused on the conversation (atleast most of the time). This gives the person at the end that feeling of "exclusivity" that is needed for a relationship to grow and sustain itself. The person you are speaking to becomes an important person to whom you give your undivided attention. Every relationship requires this nurturance.

Online chats give this illusion of exclusiveness. It is an illusion because one can never be sure who exactly it is at the other end of the chat--you may be thinking it is your friend but the other could be their spouse or child or just anyone. But however, it does give that feeling of "exclusivity" that is needed in a relationship.

It is important for us to realize this when we are communicating with people. When someone speaks to us, we need to be attentive, we need to listen to what they are saying. He/she is the most important person who has called for your attention. You may want to do something else and that could be an important thing. If that is so, communicate to the individual--ask for time--that you would finish the most important, pressing commitment you have and will be engaged with the person soon after.

Giving your presence is so important in relationships--in any reciprocal relationship. A student in class with a teacher, a teacher with a student; a boss and an employee and the reverse--employee and boss, husband and wife or parent and child and also in friendships.

It all begins with an ability to connect with oneself. Connection with oneself helps us connect with others. Being present with oneself helps us in being present with others. Which is why it is so important for one to take a few minutes ( I take one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening) to be with our breath and understand and connect with our inner world. This practice helps us be present, attentive and engaged with people whom we interact with--particularly when they are physically present in front of you.

This brings about richness and satisfaction in being alive together in this wonderful world.

Jon Kabat-Zinn says this beautifully in his book " Coming to Our Senses" : Robotic Lives

Serenity

I really like this picture. It is the preaching of Anapanasati on a full moon night by Lord Buddha.

Looking at this picture brings immediate sense of calmness and peace to me. It reminds me of the triple gems, the 4 Noble truths and and 8- fold path to liberation. In fact looking at this picture, I get a sense of meaning of life and the reason why I am living it. It helps me understand my purpose and my onward journey.

What a great era it would have been during his time! Just to imagine that he taught sitting under a tree on a slightly raised platform to so many who sat cross-legged on the ground; no microphones, no chalk and board! Just practice with minimum instructions! How wonderful! So beautiful!

Roots

It is interesting to look at the roots of a tree. The roots are so strong and are so deep in the soil. On the surface, the tree looks beautiful and gives us shelter from heat in the environment. However, the most important part of the tree is the roots by which it is supported.

Our negative emotions run just as strong and deep as these roots. These emotions have become strong and deep rooted because we have given them the nutrients for their growth--we have watered them and provided fertile soil for them to take such deep roots.

In a 10 day course we train ourselves to observe sensations that come up on our body as we sit in meditation. Observing sensations objectively, not reacting to them with craving or aversion, we learn to loosen the strong habit patterns that have taken deep roots in our sub-conscious mind. We learn to stop clinging to them, we refuse to give them water and fertile soil to grow and eventually they die.

Observing my progress on this path, I have noticed that anger, hatred and ill-will have definitely reduced. However, sadness still remains. I guess those roots are very strong and deep as well. Generally, I am a very calm person and happy as well, but occasionally I have spells which seem to throw all my learning out of the window-I become acutely unhappy, miserable and depressed. These are rare episodes but quite intense when they happen and takes everyone by surprise and also raises questions on the practice which I have faithfully followed.

Introspecting one day, I realized that just as I have cut some deep roots of habit patterns, all haven't gone yet and need more time and practice to eliminate. It is a tough tree with deep roots and the cutting has just begun!

A friend asked me what do I do when I go through those spells of misery... The first thing I do is to observe myself--how miserable I am, how helpless I am and how over powered I am by the emotion I experience. I and the emotion have become one and the same person. It is no longer "I" who is experiencing the emotion----I am the emotion. When I start observing this, the emotion I experience loses its intensity. To feel the emotion and to make it last, I need to keep feeding it in a way that it will last. When I start observing what I am thinking, feeling and experiencing on my body, objectivity comes into my thinking and I dissociate "me" from the emotion experienced.

At other times, I begin to think as I observe-- is this the mind-set I want to bequeath to the next person who is going to inherit this mind?

This helps me snap out of the miserable state I am in.

The long and regular hours of meditation practice has helped me internalize its principles fairly well--I can now quickly get to experience my inner world whenever something happens in the external environment. This helps me to be in touch with the present moment and not get carried away by the emotion experienced.

But yet... Life is difficult...the first noble truth!

Heart full of love!....

Last evening I made Veggie Kurma curry at home for dinner.

It was a tiring Friday evening and when Raja came back from work, he suggested that we go out for dinner. I was was so inclined to follow his suggestion...when after a little while I thought to myself--having done 10 days of cooking at Dhamma Malaya, and for 100 people at that, did we really have to go out and have dinner? Can I not rustle up something quickly so that all of us could enjoy a meal at home?

And that's what I did--made Veggie kurma curry -an alteration of the one I made at the center (onions and & garlic included this time) and then Jeera rice. Raja said---looks like we don't have to eat out anymore!

Yes, even to me the transformation is amazing. I always considered cooking a "chore", never excited about it and always thought I was no good at it. And now I think differently and feel differently about cooking. My heart is full of love--and I just love to cook! House-keeping, kitchen managing is not difficult anymore. I just have to set myself to it and its done quickly.

I don't know if this is only a passing feeling. I suspect it isn't. I am so glad I served this course. It taught me so much! It taught me how to delegate work, it taught me to give clear instructions: I call my daughter to help me cut vegetables, I demonstrate to her how I want it cut & for what purpose. I do it with enthusiasm and love which is infectious.

Every step on this path has taught me numerous things, expanded my horizons and made me a better person. It has taught me to love and embrace all of life. It has taught me to give unconditionally. Is this just a temporary high feeling after a 10 day course of service? Only time will tell. Well even if it is temporary and it fades, all I have to do is to serve another 10 days in the kitchen!

Dhamma works!

10 Glorious days....Part 3

Day 4 was the day when Vipassana instructions were given to students....it was also the day I made cabbage curry for lunch and also over slept in the afternoon.

Our day used to begin at 5 am in the kitchen. I would wake up around 4 am, and have my bath and a quick oat meal for breakfast before I began kitchen work. We would get the fruits out to wash, peel and cut; get the food for breakfast started--usually meehoon (noodles). Preparations for lunch would start right after the breakfast was sent to the dining hall. Breakfast was at 6.30 am.

Axel, Belinda and Toh Teck helped me cut 12kgs of cabbage and I got the ingredients ready to start cooking. Under my instruction Tan Abba stirred the cabbage in the huge wok. I had to do the cabbage in two batches. While we were at it, it suddenly struck me why men are considered to be good chefs the world over. Stirring food in a huge wok required lots of physical strength, and I had to rely on Tan Abba to do that for me.

Our afternoon break was between 1 to 2 with the second group sitting soon after (2--3pm). I overslept and the course manager came to wake me up and bring me to the hall!

In the evening I planned out my ingredients for the Kurma curry the next day...I peeled 10 kgs of potatoes.

Day 5, I made Veggie Kurma curry. This was with potatoes and cauliflower cooked in coconut milk and spices. It turned out great though I used the coconut milk from a carton when fresh coconut milk was available. To use up the fresh coconut milk which could turn bad with time, Richard advised that I cook the Kurma curry again on Day 7 and push the Dal scheduled for Day 7 to Day 9 ( when I had to cook Kurma again).

So when Day 7 dawned, I had my potatoes (8kgs)and cauliflower (4 kgs)steamed and ready for cooking. Suddenly at around 9 am, Richard said he was sorry but Kurma curry did not go with the other items on the menu for that day and so I should be cooking Dal instead. I hurriedly soaked 1 kg of Tuvar dal ( the only dal available in the store-room) and began preparations for cooking it.

Meanwhile, I had to find a way of consuming the potatoes and cauliflower that I had already steamed. I boiled the potatoes, till they were nice and soft, drained them and quickly gave instructions to Hue to add 1 tablespoon of salt and one tablespoon of evaporated milk powder, a dash of parsley and bingo! I had mashed potatoes in a jiffy! The steamed cauliflower were merged with broccoli with seasoning. This was really thinking on my toes ...(or should I say cooking on my toes?)

I also managed to cook the dal in time for serving....One of the Indian male students I met on the last day thanked me and said.."Jab mein ne dal ko dekha, jaan me jaan aa gaya...sochcha -chalo kam se kam aaj jee bar ke kha sakoon!" (When I saw dal, I got a life and thought atleast today I can eat well)

That afternoon was also the time I did a trial run of "kheer", Indian milk pudding. Earlier, Richard asked me if I could make that as Jayeshji asked him in the previous course why they did not have Kheer in the menu for Day 10. Kheer figures in a story narrated by Goenkaji on the last day of the course and all centers make this dish on Day 10 for lunch. I got the recipe to serve 4 people from the internet ( it wasn't in the center's recipe book)and then multiplied it to serve 20 people ( dhamma servers). This was a trial run before cooking for 100 people on Day 10.

Alice gave me a good feedback and suggested that I grind the soaked rice before adding it to milk---I did that on Day 10 and it turned out really really great!

Meanwhile there were huge human relations issues that had to be tackled. Anna was really upset on Day 6 and no matter what I did, it didn't help change her so I had to speak to the teacher (Jennifer) at night. She asked Richard to take over as Kitchen Manager with me assisting him.

Things changed quite a bit after that and I learned what it takes to be a good leader in this situation. Richard knew the kitchen inside out, he knew how to delegate, how to manage time and in short, organize the whole team. Spot on! Good learning experience for me. By the evening of Day 7 all of us could get to attend the Goenkaji's discourse.