The girl I knew in School

It was probably 1975. I was in 8th grade in high school. There was an exam coming up on Monday and I was clueless. I didn't know what was going to be tested or what I had to study. My sister, Jaishri asks me to contact classmates who might know but I don't have their contacts. Exasperated, she asks me to name atleast one topper in the class. I say Vanita Luthra, her parents were doctors. With this information, Jaishri took me to the neighbours house to get this girl's number from the phone directory, to contact her.

Jaishri was my gaurdian, being much older than me. She stepped into this role after my elder sister Malathy got married & left home in 1974. I had a huge problem of myopia and no glasses.. but that is a different long story. The point is I was clueless about the exam, and it had to be fixed. We did not have a phone, and our neighbours' was one of the few families in the neighbourhood that had one.

We got the number, dialed, and Jaishri asked me to speak to Vanita. But I was terrified. I had a poor opinion of myself, timid, scared of everything especially related to people & school. Aggravated with poor eyesight, life then was a big blur. So Jaishri ended up speaking to Vanita. Vanita was most helpful. Not only did she give a comprehensive idea of the exam, she even dictated her personal notes she made from her referencing in the school library. The girl was truly on top of everything. She knew it. And so willing to share. Amazing!

Jaishri gave me that glare... Look at you!!! And look at this amazing girl!!

I don't remember how I fared in the exam, but I remember Vanita telling me she enjoyed speaking to my sister. She asked if I needed more help.. and to ask her if I did. I didn't have to press for my sister's assistance she said.

I rarely initiated conversation with her or anybody for that matter in school. I was overcome with confusion and fear and could rarely make sense of what was going on.

There were flashes of brilliance though. Like when I scored 9/10 in a topic of Simple Pendulum when Vanita scored only 5. I remember she wanted to know where she lost marks and asked the teacher  how marks were allocated and graded.  How did she know all this? To monitor her performance? To care about tests and exams? 

Vanita was sweet & kind to me. We went our separate ways after school and I heard she joined Thangam Phillip institute of cookery & hospitality in Mumbai. I was surprised at her career choice.. but never got in touch with her again.

Till a chance google search on people who influenced me, I came across this horrific article that said she jumped off the 23rd floor of a building in Versova, Mumbai in December 2018. It said she had a jewelry business going. I am shocked and distressed.

I regret not reaching out to her in these years past. Just to tell her how much her kindness, support, generosity & exuberance touched me. Perhaps the only true connection in the general blur of high school. How aweinspiring she had been, how I wished to emulate her in school! Would it have made a difference to her decision?

A day at home March 28th 2020

These are the days of pandemic ..the much heard & talked about Corona virus. Infact even when its silent everywhere and I am not with my handphone, my mind keeps chattering "corona virus, corona virus.." I wonder if there is anything else apart from this in this world. 

Well we need to go about the business of our daily lives, which has altered quite a bit. I have to get my course materials ready to be delivered online and therefore have to become more techsavvy. So there is plenty to learn each day.

Then the house has become more populated with family members getting in the way of each other. I need to schedule my class to be delivered from home, while Raja has to attend office work from home. Akanksha flits and floats in between worried about her article thats overdue. Earlier this morning was an avoidable altercation with Pavithra on coffee making amidst a sudden scare at the sight of an ambulance & police car in the opposite building.

My venous insufficiency (caused due to varicose veins) flared up in the midst of this disturbance to routine. Observe your mind state, advises my meditation guru. Yes, I have become a little more reactive than usual and maybe it is finding its outlet in dryness/oozing feet which feel like burning pin pricks now and then.

Raja offers to cook pulao for lunch and I look gratefully at him as I feel a spike of discomfort from my foot. He goes to the kitchen and asks .. Do you think I can do a round of laundry first? I say Ok . Minutes later he comes to show me the lint collected in the lint catcher of the machine. On another reactive day, I would have interepreted this as his criticism of my housekeeping skills..but not today. I just nodded my head in acknowledgement.

After a while he wanted cinnamon sticks.. so I went in to give it to him, then bay leaf. I had kept a couple of pieces in my easy to access masala box, so I told him where he could find it. But he was disappointed with the quantity. So I directed him to the fridge which had a full packet of them. Then he started a conversation of whether bay leaf had any aroma worth talking about.

Finally came the call for basmati rice! Where is it? The usual box in which it is kept was empty & he was now worried. Well there was enough in the box next to the usual basmati box but ofcourse, it required another trip to the kitchen by me to help him find it.

Meanwhile someone messages me about the all time high deaths in Italy. Well we all need to go sometime, somehow. I gaze at some of my artwork and recall the moments of joy they gave me as I was making them and as they do now adorning parts of my house.

This is why we need art. The patience we develop, the spaces of unhurriedness, the imperfections that teach you some lessons and the beauty that emanates, making life worthwhile. I settle down on my couch with my feet elevated to ease the discomfort to write my tale of today.